if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
