It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In America we eat man semen.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
