The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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