When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
