My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
