Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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