just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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