Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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