So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I supernannyed him into submission
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
