I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
