Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm really busy with my period
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