Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
