well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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