i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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