Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
