Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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