It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
