it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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