Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think my vagina is haunted
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
