You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
