How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
