So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
