Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
