I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
