So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
