My liver just broke up with me...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
