I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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