Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
