God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
