Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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