It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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