You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
