my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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