saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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