I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
