1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
