well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
