How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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