Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
