I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
