girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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