I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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