David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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