So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
