Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
