U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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