remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
