I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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