Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
