If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
