I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
