Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
