Your face is a jimmy john
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
