I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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